Out of my shell part 1.

I though I'd type on something that I'm sure many can relate to or may not but it was my experience and the way I express this may be different then what another person may say regarding it. I don't know how to say it, but growing up as a child I was rather shy and to be honest w/ you it wasn't until I got to middle school that I really begin to come out of my shell.

Elementary years, I was very self conscious and it seemed that the further I got into my elementary years to more self conscious I was. I don't know if it was because I was taught to surpress my emotions or when I did express myself I often looked like an idiot. Sometimes the expressions were not even legit but I guess it was to assert myself as an individual, even looking back some of those moments I cringe. I cringe at my outbursts and I cringe at how self conscious I was in other areas, like I hardly participated in PE at school and in music I was basically absent (probably b/c I hate the sound of my own voice). I was always worried about being laughed at. Recess was fun but that was about it. My fifth grade year sucked. One, I didn't care for the school I had to go to for that last year when we moved to the south end of town. Two, I missed my old friends and the ones who I knew. That year, I reunited w/ some of my classmates from preschool. OTOH I felt like I was the token black guy in my class when I came from a school that was almost all black. Summer could not get her fast enough. Not to mention I barely passed that year.

I remember my orientation for my middle school and how shy I was when mom was trying to introduce me to a really cute girl who could have been my potential classmate, now me and this girl are still friends however we don't see each other as often and unfortunately even when I got to my middle school we never had any classes together. Moving on..............Sixth grade, I was a loner for what thought would be the next three years of my life. To be honest, it appeared that I did not have any friends or any one to confide in, then suddenly it happened. It started w/ a guy around my age that I befriended in my P.E. class. Seeing that P.E. was the last class I took during the day, it gave us more time to get acquainted then say a social studies class would. It started off w/ small talk walking the football field while the other guys were playing soccer and then it got to getting involved in the four square games that the mute button on my mouth (or the tape on my mouth) was gradually released. I gradually got to forcing myself into the in crowd until I was known my most of my sixth grade class. It was as if I went from geek to sheek, except I never felt so much like a geek but I was sort of an outsider. I certainly wasn't sheek because I never managed to score a date. I was invited to many parties, though I hardly went to any of them. I went to 3 my eighth grade year and one of them was an end of the year party and even at that I was usually picked up before they ended.

Part two to follow

Short stories, Actors, and Gay characters.

Good morning everyone,


As you can see I'm trying to pick up the blogging thing again. Growing up I loved the show Degrassi:The Next Generation and I loved that it tackled teenage issues that teens faced, though sometimes it got to be a bit dramatic. Once it became "The Boiling Point" at season 10, the show just got to be a bit ridiculous but now Degrassi has just gotten ridiculous. You do not have that many gay students that come out of the closet in such a short period. To be honest they should have left the gay characters alone after Marco. However they did include Riley and Zayne. Okay fair enough, but now we have the homosexual male characters who are the girly/stereotypical queens, the transgender character, and gothic/melodramatic (well.........Ellie toned down towards the end of her run on the show) characters who are of no interest. I'm also not fond of them turning Claire into a whore just to make good TV. Anyway......................................We also had South Of Nowhere which was a good show, yes the protagonista was a character dealing with her sexuality as she later on discovers that she is not into guys. The show tackled other issues as well and unlike Degrassi, it did not need a million characters to do it. Did I mention that the actors were like in their mid-twenties playing teenagers? The youngest two actors were Chris Hunter who plays Glen and Eileen April Boylan who plays Kyla. They're both younger than I am in real life and they were college aged at the time of the show playing high school characters. Aasha Davis who played Chelsea was like 32 or 33 years old filming at the time. It seems that when you have older actors play the parts they stories are a bit more conveying but at the same time in the back of your mind you think "damn, you play 16 so well but you're like 22" lol. What I like about SON is that while the main character is lesbian, they did not make her the primary character of the show.

It seems that when gay characters are added into the mix, they seem to be the character that everybody is interested in. YES gay people exist, YES they are people, but you do not need them in every TV show just to create diversity. It seems that gay characters are now placed in TV shows simply to fill a void or satisfy a quota  and at one time it was needed, but now that we have entire channels catering to the LGBT population (teens included), the token gay guy is no longer needed in every show. If you are going to put one in, let it happen naturally and for ONCE, I'd like to see a gay character who is not over the top and does not display the ridiculously stereotypical girly manners.

Okay I've ranted enough, but I'm in the process of writing short stories, I'd like to focus on adolescents and adolescent issues similar to the shows listed, but put more emphasis on friendship and trials than sexuality. Perhaps have it a bit more family integrated as well.  I need to create a tumblr page see where that takes me. If  the stories were ever picked up, maybe some good actors could play the parts. The is IF sexuality and orientation are discussed in the series the focus would be more as a whole vs one character. I'd like for it to be raw. I think it could work out.

IT'S BEEN FOREVER

Wow,

It's been forever since posting anything and really to be honest w/ you my job had me so burned out that I had actually lost motivation to post anything for a while, however being a member of Toastmasters and in conjunction w/ needing to get it off of my chest has prompted me to begin posting. This last year at work has been a living hell. My initial supervisor left, and I was assigned another supervisor. Things were going smoothly initially however as time went by I got to see this person for the vindictive individual that she really is. To be honest w/ you I believe she may be a sociopath. She lacked empathy, she was vindictive, she saw no wrong in how she treated others, she was one of those individuals who was on a power trip, who wanted all of the respect in the world, however when it came to giving respect, she did not want to give any. Last year, there was not one day that I was not raked over the coals, for every little thing. Things that other workers in the group could get away w/, I was taken through the ringer. It was to the point that my health was compromised! I developed a huge knot on my neck that ultimately bursts ( I believe God removed it because the doctors certainly did not). It got to the point that this particular supervisor begin to nitpick anything and everything I did. She begin no only downgrading me to my coworkers, my clients, but other agencies as well (hence the reason jobs that I was a applying for at other agencies/companies were not calling me). Not only that she wanted to know all of my whereabouts at work. The demands got more ridiculous [and demeaning] until she retired. She did not return after the Thanksgiving holiday and I have another supervisor now. He's not as demanding as she was but for some reason I just do not trust anybody at the office now. I'm always walking on eggshells, and I don't get excited about much of anything anymore. Right now, I'm going to leave it at that.

Day 4-Career Paths (part 1)

I currently work as a caseworker, however I sporadically look at other jobs and I still put my resume out there. Monster sucks! The only jobs that respond are those sales jobs, which want you to sell products that nobody is really buying in this economy.

Anyway, I was driving one day when I came across a Cenikor (Briscoe Treatment Facility) agency. I checked the site and saw a position for a counselor, unfortunately the position required a certification that I did not have. I have been considering getting a master's in psychology for a while or school counseling in addition to the master's degree that I have in Instructional Technology. With that being said, I'm sick of school! I just like to have a back up plan in case the current ones fail.

I'm still trying to learn some more instructional design skills so that I can really put my master's degree to use and do some freelancing creating training packages and modules.Perhaps I'll be able to create some for the current agency that I'm in.  I'd like to learn web design and the like so I could get some clients and do this line of work for and perhaps train others how to do these things as well.

I tried court research for a bit, I tried to get some clients of my own via craigslist, etc and I've realized that craigslist is only good for spam and prostitution. So that did not work, then I got a job as a caseworker where I am currently.

I'm out for the night, I'll talk more on my next day. Night.

FINALLY! A SELF ASSESSMENT (Day 3)

Good afternoon peeps,

Short blog.

I think I've got it. I've found an accurate way to describe this blog, and I did that via inspiration from a member of one of my google + groups. After evaluating my personality I've realized that I'm bluntly soft-spoken. I have a rather soft personality, however I can only take so much before I tell you the truth about yourself and will not back down. While I will try not to cuss you out, I can't continue to just let an individual treat me any kind of way that they wish.

The most recently memory of the realization is a former co-worker pointing out my soft personality and then there was an incident at a Toastmasters meeting. This guy said that it kind of makes people want to listen to what I have to say.

Unfortunately this is not w/o consequences. At work, this causes several client to try to pull a fast one on me. While I can't say names, this client stated that her husband was collecting unemployment, THEN later after reviewing this case, I saw that the unemployment stopped months ago. She then confessed that the husband recently started work! Seriously???? My laid back personality has also caused me to be an unfortunate target of pestering and berating, and I will confess y'all that I am at a point that I am on the verge of cussing someone at that place out and I'm not going to worry about status or the age difference. I stated this on an earlier blog, however this is me going public with a lot of what I've been wanting to say and I'm not holding back. I can't just say "fuck off" but I can say "that's a lie or that's not true". I don't get paid enough to just take any treatment from anyone be it a co-worker or a supervisor. My observation is that young adult workers are not taken seriously by administration at the agency that I'm at and if one does not appear to be always angry or their personality is not aggressive enough, then they are seen as easy to treat like dirt. I'm not asking to be exempt from any and all consequences, however I am asking to be treated with dignity and not be ripped to shreds every time I make a mistake.

Blunt yet soft spoken, confidently self-conscious the latter will be discussed in a later blog.

Sound off! If you like, follow the blog!

Day 2-job burnout rant.

Ugh.....so 4 or 5 days have passed since my last post, however I'm trying to blog as often as I can within this 90 day challenge that I have set upon myself. I'm  currently sitting in starbucks drinking one of those Valencia orange refreshers, they're so good! Anyways....I guess I can count this one as day two, I'm going to talk about job burnout. This is a confession, I'm currently dealing with the burnout right now and some days I really want to run out. I'm a caseworker working in the social service field. I deal with SNAP (supplemental nutritional assistance program) benefits....referred by most as "food stamps" Now I like my job some days other days I can't stand it. Some days I feel like I just babysit adults, while other days I meet clients who I can't help but feel bad for when I hear their stories.

Anyway, the problem is that some days I don't feel like I'm really appreciated at the agency. It seems lately that I get reported for things that others do not, and sometimes I feel like the situations are DISTORTED to make it seem far worse than what they really are. Currently I'm at a point that I'm about to cuss someone out and I'm not going to feel bad about it.

Some days, I don't know who is worse clients or the adults who act like children. I'm not going to address anyone by name, I don't feel the need to because to me if you know who you are and that this blog applies to you then you need to check YOURSELF, not me for simply reporting the truth. It's one thing to be cussed out by a client or to deal with a ton of call center calls, on top of the disaster of a system that the agency has recently adopted. It's another thing to be told that "If you can't keep up then you need to find another job" or to be spoken to as if you are in the fourth grade when something is not done flawlessly. I do appreciate having a job in the recession and I understand the line of work I'm in is high stress and is fast paced, however sometimes I feel that administration forgets that we only have two hands and cannot be in multiple places at once. It would be nice if I could, but that's not the case. With the document imaging system that the agency has recently adopted, all of the mail that clients send to caseworkers is now being sent to a processing center, and okay but to have ALL THE MAIL FROM THE ENTIRE STATE go to one processing center has proven to be a disaster.Let me tell you why in the next paragraph.

In the past, clients could mail stuff to the local P.O. BOX or drop their paperwork off in a drop box kept in the lobby with the security and confidence that it most likely would get to their worker in time, however now everything is being sent to a processing center and as a result of having so much mail to process. There are clients who are not getting their benefits because their documents are not being received on time and one can only deal with so many calls with conducting interviews and processing change reports.  IT'S A MESS! On top of internet that takes FOREVER. It's hard enough to have the basic programs open that we use, let along two new software products added.

On the other hand, there are those clients who just do not want to do their part and when their benefits are cut off they want to come up to the office and cause a scene. I had one client say she wanted to e-mail the congressman. I'm like okay...you do that. There was another situation, not one of my clients, she reported the incident to KPLC. What the hell could KPLC do? I have no clue! However if a client can't update their address, how the hell are we supposed to know how to get in contact with them. "Nobody ever informed me my renewal period was here" Well we sent you a letter, but it was returned with no forwarding address. UPDATE YOUR DAMN ADDRESS!

I think that sometimes administration forgets that we have two hands and that we can only do our part if the client does theirs as well. It takes both sides to be successful.

Anyone else experiencing or experienced burnout? Sound off!

90 Day Blog Challenge. Day 1-Why I am doing this.

Okay, so I have decided to take a 90 day blogging challenge. Why am I doing this you may wonder? Well, I'm thinking that blogging might be a bit therapeutic for me and it could help me when it comes to speaking more comfortably when I'm around someone I don't really know. Oh and of course, I looked over this page and realized that I had not posted anything in quite some time so I figured hey why not challenge myself to devote some time to this, and perhaps build my fan base? I could gain followers that I know personally as well as some that I do not.

Some of these blogs may be long, some may be short, others may be in between, however I'm going public with my mind (for the most part anyway). I've linked my main blogs with face book and twitter and currently trying to get it on linked-in. I plan on ranting (of course), giving an honest perspective on other things, and maybe just MAYBE, giving a shoutout here and there. I may share some photos, making some posts like a scrap book.

What I hope to get out of this challenge is more confidence when it comes to blogging and also I'm hoping to build my fan base. Looking forward to this, and I'll see you tomorrow. If this really takes off, this could be like a paid hobby.